 [Blog] Can't Take My Eyes Off You - Short-Sighted Betting TipsWritten by SE1blue on Wednesday, 19th Oct 2011 19:47 One of my favourite stories in the news this week involved three Italians and a Frenchman arrested in Cannes for trying to scam a casino. They are accused of wearing special contact lenses or glasses to read cards used in a game of stud poker. This had me wondering if they had bought a pair of those X-Ray Specs that were so popular back in the 80s. When I was 13-year- old, I would have sold a kidney for a pair of X-Ray Specs. They were advertised in pretty much every comic with the slogan ‘See the bones in your hand, see through clothes’. I’m not sure many people read the first half of that sentence, but for £1.49 I was prepared to gamble on the second. Raised in an isolated cottage in rural Suffolk, I had reached my teenage years with my knowledge of the female form restricted to the underwear section of Kays Catalogue (those were the days!) and an all-too-brief glimpse of a soapy Spaniard singing in a campsite shower block. If only I had said “Hoowawoowa!†inside my head. So, it wasn’t long before I was mailing a postal order (you can’t ask your mum to write you a cheque for these things) to a PO Box in Barnsley and wishing away the days until the arrival of my X-Ray Specs. For two weeks, I raced our excitable Dalmatian (Toby) to the front door every time the letterbox rattled. When they finally arrived one Saturday morning, I immediately scrambled up to my bedroom and opened the small jiffy bag with considerable excitement. Inside, however, was a pair of cheap plastic framed glasses with what looked like cardboard for lenses. On closer inspection I noticed there was a tiny pinhole in the centre of each of the lenses. X-Ray Specs? They didn’t look like the work of NASA scientists. Still, nobody lies to a kid, do they? So, my optimism was close to fever pitch when I thought about trying them on. I couldn’t do this at home for fear of seeing my mum or my sister in the buff - I was just about to receive the gift of x-ray vision, I didn’t need to be blinded before it began. I figured the park was the best place to try them out, and stuck Toby on a lead to ensure I looked more like your average dog walker, and less like your average lech. I mean, what’s strange about a teenage boy wearing cardboard glasses, looking at women’s breasts in the local park if he’s got a dog with him? It was about an hour later that Toby started whining to go home. He had marked pretty much every tree and had run out of things to sniff. I knew how he felt. I hadn’t seen a single person a horny teenager would have considered x-raying (unless your bedroom centrefolds were Thora Hird and Miss Marple) and was having even less luck trying to see the bones in my hand. I was just about to give up and go home when I spotted two women jogging along the path on the other side of the park. They were heading in my direction so I slipped on my ogle goggles and trained my eyes on anything that bounced. As they approached I could see through the little holes in the cardboard that they were talking to each other and looking at me. I still couldn’t see past their clothing though. I wondered if the glasses only worked close-up so took a couple of steps closer to the path and stretched my neck forward a little to concentrate harder. I stared through the pinholes, keeping my eyes firmly locked on their bodies. Thirty metres, nothing. And then I felt the spray of Lucozade hit my face. The woman closest to me had squirted the contents of her bottle all over me, and my magical X-Ray Specs. Ever loyal, Toby dropped everything (I think he was attempting to sniff his own butt) and went off in hot pursuit of my assailants before disappearing into the distance. I spent all of the afternoon searching for my four-legged friend and only gave up when I realised the football scores were due in. Luckily, Toby had a tag displaying our phone number and was safely curled up by the fire by the time I got home. Over a mug of hot squash, mum told me all about two very kind young ladies who had brought Toby home following a frightening encounter with a “retarded pervert†down at the park. I shook my head and mumbled something about weirdos before heading up to my room to look at my favourite pages of Kays Catalogue. I must stress that no X-Ray Specs were used in the alleged Cannes casino scam. Further details of that story, here. Here are this weeks tips: Draw Doubles Middlesbrough v Derby Bristol City v Birmingham Accumulator Correct Score Prediction Please report offensive, libellous or inappropriate posts by using the links provided.
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